9/11: The Musical? BY DAN CULLINANE for FRONTIERS

The Beastly Bombing merges operetta, Al Qaeda, and gay love.

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Jesus, wearing only a loincloth and glistening like a bodybuilder, hovers over the president of the United States, who is in turmoil over a terrorist attack in New York City. Gently, Jesus begins to sing: Yes, I love you, I do, you’re my favorite politician, It’s like I’m pregnant, and you’re my obstetrician. Then he and the president waltz. If this were a dream, Karl Rove would wake up screaming. But it’s just a typical moment in The Beastly Bombing, Julien Nitzberg and Roger Neill’s razor-smart, unrepentantly in-your-face satire of white supremacists, Al Qaeda operatives, and drug-addicted presidential offspring, all set to an irresistibly melodic and disarmingly authentic 19th-century-style operetta score. “We’re taking the raw materials of today and making a piece of entertainment,” composer Neill says. Then he continues guiltily, “Irresponsibly. We have dancing pedophile priests. Someone should really call us on it.” So we did. FRONTIERS: Things actually do suck, so should we blow things up? ROGER NEILL: We do not advocate violence in any form. We think we should all sing and dance about it. JULIEN NITZBERG: I’m all for blowing things up if no one is killed. Evacuate the buildings. Then blow them up. Is the Secret Order of Revolutionary Operettists a terrorist organization? J.N.: Musical terrorists. We want to destroy post-19th-century music. We’d like to get rid of digital music. We think these things are destroying society. Once people got record players and CD players and iPods, they gave up their creative powers and became listeners rather than participants. Your show makes references to Zog. Are you worried that a Spaceman Spiff reference might be obscure, or even dated? R.N.: Spaceman Spiff? Zog is “Zionist Occupation Government.” J.N.: Our reference is to King Zog, who was the ruler of Albania before Enver Hoxha deposed him. R.N.: Is that what our show is about? I would have used more Albanian folk music if I’d known that. Would Gilbert and Sullivan enjoy your show, or would they make you get down on your naughty knees and bless your mouth with their divine communion wafers? R.N.: I think they would be highly threatened by us. J.N.: Sullivan would make us get down on our knees. R.N.: We weren’t trying to write like Gilbert & Sullivan, we were just writing as if we were in that time period. J.N.: We thought it would be cool. If you say something clever but no one has to realize its clever because its done with 19th-century music, that is more fun. My lyrics are poison, and Roger’s music is chocolate. Cyanide and chocolate. Your Al Qaeda terrorists and white supremacists are really likeable. Do you hate Jews also? R.N.: I married one and partnered with another. J.N.: I hate most people. I hate people who are super-religious, homophobic, and fucked up. I hate Orthodox Judaism as much as I hate serious Islam and fundamentalist Christianity. They’re all fucking hypocrites. R.N.: Our show disempowers hypocrites by making them ridiculous. These horrible figures dancing and singing and being cute has that effect. J.N.: They’re mocked, but they’re mocked lovingly. That’s the fun of it. Everyone is a hypocrite and everyone is exposed, but not in a boring, left-wing kind of way. R.N.: No one is made to pay for their hypocrisy. If Jesus were alive, would President Bush would make his naughty parts tickle? J.N.: No, he would be disgusted by him. But I think Jesus would like to have his naughty parts tickled. R.N.: And we have the best homoerotic Jesus in town. I’m speechless. Is there anything else you’d like to say? J.N.: The best approach for all these wars is to drop tons of Hustler magazines all over the Middle East and let them get to some good masturbating. They’ll feel a lot better. There is masturbating in our show. That is the underlying message. R.N.: Masturbation and more sex will solve the world’s problems. If Jenna Bush is really using ketamine, why is she so chubby? J.N.: I’ve known fat speed freaks. R.N.: Metabolism? J.N.: It’s glandular. If Tim McVeigh had met Mohammed Atta, would their love have prevented that whole September 11 thing? J.N.: Blowing up giant phallic buildings says something about those guys. Al Qaeda flew small penises into big penises and blew up the big penises. Tim McVeigh drove a small truck penis into the parking lot vagina. He was probably actually killing Mommy. R.N.: There does seem to be some connection between terrorist violence and sexual dysfunction, so maybe if they had a nice well-balanced relationship, things would have worked out. J.N.: They would have been like John and Yoko, and come up with more creative ways to express themselves.